INTRODUCTION – A Husband’s Job Description If you aim at nothing you are sure to hit it If you aim at the wrong target, you will most likely hit that; and the consequences or results will most likely be negative – Dick Cheney’s infamous hunting episode is exhibit A Husbands – God wants each of us to have a crystal clear target – – or at least to know where that target is so we can get more familiar with it.
Nine commands or responsibilities for husbands to faithfully carry out with their wives.
I. Must leave their parents and cleave to their wife – Gen. 2:24, Matt. 19:5 Eph. 5:31 A. Germane only to the husband; not directed to the wife. B. God’s purpose and goal for marriage is oneness. Making a clean break from one’s parents is crucial for this to happen C. Could be reflective of how sons were meant to take care of their parents; and were the hope of their parents – – thus heavy dependence upon. In the U.S. – social security – – in many other cultures – sons. D. Geography is not as important as emotional cut off. Can move geographically, but still call and email every day E. Leaving is whatever one has to do in relationship with one’s parents to enable himself to totally bond with his wife.
II. Must satisfy your sexual desires/needs with her alone – Prov. 5:15-19 A. One of several passages in the Bible that proves purpose of sex is not just for procreation. B. Another equally important purpose is the husband’s sexual satisfaction and fulfillment. C. A man has a legitimate need to be sexually satisfied by his wife. D. If he doesn’t aggressively and regularly pursue and experience that, He will be tempted to pursue/seek it elsewhere. E. We are to actually be exhilarated (lit. intoxicated) with our wive’s love, which in this context is referring to her romantic sensual, sexual love F. Key to experiencing this is going after the others ones
III. Must satisfy her sexual desires/needs unselfishly – I Cor. 7:3-5 A. Husbands you have a sexual duty or responsibility to your wife B. You do not have authority over your body, but actually your wife does C. The only reason you should deprive her of sex is because of an agreement between you that because of some serious crisis or call to prayer and fasting – you need to focus on that for a time. Sex deprivation is an illegal tool in a marriage. D. There needs to be an agreed upon ending to that season, and an intentional coming back together soon afterwards. E. The danger of Satanic attack in the form of sexual temptation is very real.
IV. Must enjoy life with her every day of your life – Ecc. 9:9 A. We are to enjoy life with our wives all the days of our lives. B. We are not to succumb to a working relationship, and get too consumed with our careers and projects and hobbies so that our relationship is neglected. C. The message of Eccl. Is that no matter how crucial and intense the fight is, ultimately much of it is out of our control, and may not go the way we want, and therefore enjoy your wife because that is one thing you do have control over.
V. Must not deal treacherously with her/divorce her – Mal. 2:13-16; Matt. 19:8,9 A. They had compartmentalized their religion. They thought as long as they observed faithfully the various temple and sacrifice rituals – that’s all that mattered. They didn’t see their treatment of their wives as having anything to do with their worship of and devotion to God. Thus they couldn’t understand why they were not experiencing His blessing and favor. Vs. 13 B. They were focused on their rituals and sacrifices. God was focused in on their marital relationships. In His eyes their wives were both their companions and their wives by a never to be broken covenant. In their eyes, wives were a dime a dozen. Vs. 14 C. First part of Vs. 15 hardest verse in O.T. to translate. So focus on second part. We husbands must give constant heed and attention to our spirit as that is where treacherous treatment of our wives begins. D. God here defines dealing treacherously as divorce and tells us how He feels about it. Then He exhorts us again to “take heed to our spirit” Vs. 16
VI. Must live with your wife in an understanding way – I Peter 3:7 A. “In the same way” cf. 3:1 = Jesus’s example of enduring mistreatment, all the time entrusting yourself to your faithful, caring, just Father B. “live with in an understanding way” – demands that we study and listen to our wives; not take them for granted; is not a passive… C. “as with a weaker vessel” – certainly in most cases physically; more fragile or sensitive emotionally – more in touch with and able to express their emotions – “since she is a woman” – the way God made them
VII. Must grant her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life – I Peter 3:7 A. She is loved by God as much as you; Christ died for her as much as you; all the riches of Christ are hers as much as they are yours; she is as valuable, strategic and important in God’s eyes as are you B. Honor goes way beyond – just putting up with someone, or tolerating someone. It is an aggressive ongoing attempt to relate to your wife as one who is royal and of high status. C. If you don’t do these two things – your prayers will not be heard or responded to – will not go as far as the ceiling
VIII. Must love her – Eph. 5:25, 28, 33; Col. 3:19 (most repeated command) 4x’s A. Just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her (vs. 25) How has Christ loved the church? B. As your own bodies (vs. 28) C. Even as yourself (vs. 33)
IX. Must not be embittered against them – Col. 3:19 A. Bitterness and resentment towards your wife is not allowed. Will we be disappointed with them at times? Of course. But we must take that disappointment to God, and not allow a root of bitterness to take hold.
CONCLUSION – The Crucial need for personal revelation. The Holy Spirit is able to and wants to make this very specific and tangible in each of our relationships with our wives. Personal meditation is key.