A few days ago I began a discussion about how to navigate relationships according to principles in the Old Testament (mostly). Today I want to resume this discussion focusing mostly on the New Testament. God has wired us for community and oneness based on the oneness and intimacy He – Father, Son and Holy Spirit has enjoyed for all of eternity. Satan, who is far more cunning than most of us realize, will constantly be looking for ways to sabotage what God is after. Our flesh and the evil world system we are to be in but not of are formidable enemies of God’s plans and purposes in their own right. So may the Holy Spirit equip us and sanctify us with the truth necessary to overcome all of these obstacles and diversions.
I’d like to start with this truth/principle: Christ the Head of His church has sovereignly and wisely chosen whom He would have us pursue relationship with. Two passages that come to mind to convey this are first: “But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired.” I Corinthians 12:18
One of the things that greatly diminishes the power of a local congregation or the church in a given city is that of our pursuing relationships according to affinity instead of according to His will and way. We see through a glass dimly. We have prejudices and biases. We tend to look on the appearance instead of the heart. It is much better and wiser to let the living God of the Universe determine who we should pursue relationships with.
One of the things I pray often for our congregation is that God will give us greater clarity and discernment of or for our “joints and ligaments”. This comes from Colossians 2:18,19, where Paul states, “Let no one keep defrauding you of your prize by delighting in self abasement and the worship of the angels, taking his stand on visions he has seen, inflated without cause by his fleshly mind, and not holding fast to the head, from whom the entire body, being supplied and held together by the joints and ligaments, grows with a growth which is from God.” Just as joint and ligaments hold our human body parts together, which allows us to walk and run and work, etc., - so do the joints and ligaments or relationships within the body of Christ enable us to become the people He has called us to become and do the work He has called us to do. It is crucial that our relationships in the body come out of our relationship with the Head of the body. Only then will they produce the fruit and life they were meant to produce.
Jesus communicated from time to time how powerful and impactful His church/people could and should be if we do life His way. First in John 13:34,35 He commanded, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another. But this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.”
Similarly in John 17:21,23 Jesus prayed for the unity of His church, stating as well the impact that would have on the world, “that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me.” Vs. 21. “I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me.” Vs. 23
In the book of Acts we see this wonderfully played out in the first century church in Jerusalem, “They were continually devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to feelowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone kept feeling a sense of awe; and many wonders and signs were taking place through the apostles. And all those who had believed were together and had all things in common; and they began selling their property and possessions and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have need. Day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord was adding to their number day by day those who were being saved.” Acts 2:42-47
And then again in chapter four, “And the congregation of those who believed were of one heart and soul; and not one of them claimed that anything belonging to him was his own, but all things were common property to them. And with great power the apostles were giving testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and abundant grace was upon them all. For there was not a needy person among them, for all who were owners of land or houses would sell them and bring the proceeds of the sales and lay them at the apostles’ feet, and they would be distributed to each as any had need.”Acts 4:32-35
The Holy Spirit led Luke to record these accounts so that we could all see what could and should be when we learn to depend on the Holy Spirit and submit to the Lordship of Christ in all of our human relationships. Here we see the church at her finest – devoted, united, and highly effective in fulfilling her calling/mission.
So for those of us involved in local congregations, are we to relate to everyone equally who attends? Well evidently there were lots of diverse people who attended the worship gatherings in Paul’s day. And he certainly did not see them all equally. I recently finished meditating in the pages of I & II Thessalonians, and just finished up Paul’s two letters to Timothy and his letter to Titus. It is interesting how many times he warns against pursuing relationships with certain kinds of people who evidently were hanging around with the church folk.
For instance, in II Thess. 3:6 Paul has some specific relational instruction for the disciples of the church in Thessalonica, “Now we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you keep away from every brother who leads an unruly life and not according to the tradition which you received from us.” He goes on to explain in vs. 7-9 that he is specifically talking about brothers (so evidently true believers) who refuse to work and provide for their own needs and the needs of their families but instead are looking to the church to provide for them. In case they were tempted to not fully receive this instruction again in vs. 14, Paul commands, “If anyone does not obey our instruction in this letter, take special note of that person and do not associate with him, so that he will be put to shame.” Then in true Pauline fashion Paul makes sure they have God heart in the matter, when he adds in vs. 15, “Yet do not regard him as an enemy, but admonish him as a brother.”
Paul is very aware that in the church “…a little leaven leavens the whole lump of dough..” (I Cor. 5:6). That is sin in the church in one person (like germs) tends to spread to others. Sometimes we lose sight of this reality. That’s why Paul reminds Timothy in his second letter to him of this truth when he commands him (for his own spiritual vitality), “Now flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” If you and I want to be ever more – disciples whose lives are pleasing to the Lord – we must strive to relate to and grow and serve with fellow believers who are known for their prayer life and their inner purity. Otherwise our own pursuit of righteousness, faith, love, peace and purity will be hindered.
So a couple of practical suggestions and I’ll bring this to a close.
First for those of you who are married, I would highly recommend that you strive for oneness with your spouse in who you pursue relationship with in the body of Christ (or outside of it). You may not totally agree on everything all the time. And I do believe there are times in life where God gives one of us a heart for someone that our spouse doesn’t quite have, and maybe doesn’t need to have. But it is best that our spouse who doesn’t quite have a sense of call to that person acknowledges that it is possible that we do and chooses to trust God and us with it. We should not just forge ahead on our own convinced we are right and they are wrong. Oneness always brings with it greater blessing and fruitfulness. And btw – regular prayer with our spouse is the best way to achieve this oneness.
Second, while relationships within the body of Christ are very important and life giving, they will never be as important as our relationship with Christ. All of us because of our sinful flesh have a fairly constant pull towards the horizontal rather than the vertical. Only as we put first things first (the vertical/our relationship with God) will we be able to please Him with our horizontal relationships. Therefore I highly recommend that we all guard over our time with the Lord in the mornings and put our texting, emailing, social media, etc., off a little longer.
Father I pray for every person who ever reads this article that their “…love may abound still more and more in real knowledge and all discernment, so that (they) may approve the things that are excellent, in order to be sincere and blameless until the day of Christ; having been filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.” Philippians 1:9-11
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